Catholic Life Ministries

Dear Friends, as you know Lori and I wrote Pope Francis and asked for a meeting to discuss how critical it is that he publicly support people like us who have exposed cover-up of clergy sex abuse. That’s our concern. What’s yours? If you could ask Pope Francis any question or present him with a short statement of wisdom/insight/a problem, what would that be?

Let us know and we will leave these with Pope Francis should we meet with him or with a Vatican office if we do not. Keep your question or comment to 25 words or less and send it to us by September 21 (that’s when we leave). We will print all questions and comments on our blog site.

Send your question and/or comment to robert@catholiclifeministries.org.

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CLM Fall Retreat— Day of Prayer and Study—Saturday, October 28th

“Celebrating 10 Years of Pope Francis”

Our presenter is new to our CLM community: John Skrodinsky, religious brother of the Missionary Servants of the Most Holy Trinity (ST).

“…when I met the Missionary Servants of the Most Holy Trinity….I was impressed by the men, their down-to-earth nature, their love for God and for serving God’s people, especially the poor.  By God’s grace, I was accepted into the Congregation.”

John made final vows in 2000. He has worked in campus ministry, as a drug and alcohol counselor, and in ministry to migrants. John currently directs the pre-novitiate formation house for the ST’s in Chicago. He has a Masters in Pastoral Studies and a law degree from Temple University.

Location: Assumption Parish, Seattle. Time: 9:30 am – 4:30 pm.

Topics: “From Jorge Bergoglio to Pope Francis” (Bro. John); “Pope Francis as Teacher: Encyclicals and Apostolic Exhortations (Bro. John); Pope Francis: Changing Catholic Culture Not Doctrine (Robert)

Cost: $30(single), $50(couple) Scholarships available.  Please bring your own brown bag lunch.  Snacks/drinks will be provided. 

To register: Email: Robert@catholiclifeministries.org that you wish to participate, and pay the fee at the following link: https://www.paypal.com/donate?token=RgGj4GeyNRG2RG1PJGtU2QW-i8lUGYsZjQJEBStEjLlgMc2yU2SOXYHWaQ6F44_sGe85TxKkKlWFGVcB

OR bring a check to the retreat, payable to CLM.

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

So begins a famous poem, Sonnets from the Portuguese 43, by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. These lines came to mind as Robert and I completed a 1000-piece puzzle depicting the city of Seattle. 1000 pieces! There were many moments when we sighed and said to each other, “Look how many pieces we still have to do! This is hopeless. We’ll never get this done.” One thousand pieces – let me count them!

But after six weeks of working on the puzzle, we finally pushed in the last piece. At the end, it looked as if we were missing two pieces, but we found them, one under the table, and the last one hidden in the sofa cushions, as the sofa was pushed up against the table on which we had spread out those thousand pieces.

Why do I write about our completing a big puzzle? Because working a puzzle is good for marriage. Think about it.   Putting a puzzle together requires many of the same skills as building a strong marriage: teamwork, patience, awareness, creativity, and checking in with each other: innumerable times I asked Robert, “What do you think this piece with a  little red splotch and squiggly dark lines looks like?” Together, we also frequently consulted the picture guide that came with the puzzle – our puzzle roadmap, so to speak.

A successful marriage requires teamwork because marriage is a team effort. If our marriage is healthy, we will have many shared goals and use our gifts to help each other reach those goals. When Robert succeeds / wins, so do I.  When Robert fits one or three or a dozen more pieces into the puzzle, it helps me to see where some of my puzzle pieces go. Our marriage has give and take, times when I support Robert, times when he picks up the slack for me. So I applaud each time he fits a puzzle piece in; he cheers me on when I finally discover where that piece with the red splotch goes.

Patience – now there’s a big one.

Countless times, I picked up a puzzle piece, sure that I knew where it went, only to set it back down again in the jumbled pile of loose pieces because it just didn’t quite fit there. Patience is essential in marriage. Why? Because nobody’s perfect. Life is entirely a learning experience from start to finish, and we are learning as we go. We shift life’s puzzle pieces this way and that until finally, alleluia, one settles perfectly into place. Ahhhh, what a good feeling that is. But if we give up too soon, we won’t discover where that darn piece goes.

Each puzzle piece is small and only a tiny part of the whole. Sometimes we have to step back to see the whole picture. Thus, awareness is invaluable. With this puzzle, we grouped pieces into “sky,” “buildings,” “boats,” and “water.” That helped. Looking at the whole scene, we had a better idea about where each piece might fit. At times in our marriage, we have to stop and take in a larger view. The day-to-day routine of work, family, activities, cooking, shopping – these are the building blocks of life, essential but not the whole picture. It is so helpful to take a breath and see the whole of our marriage.

For this, prayer is invaluable, our own personal prayer and prayer as a couple. Especially when the pieces of life aren’t fitting together very well, when the routine is too hectic, too boring, too exhausting – awareness, nurtured by prayer, reminds us that there is a greater reality guiding our relationship and giving meaning to our lives.

I readily admit that between Robert and me, he is the  creative one. And putting a puzzle together does require some creativity. He is very good at looking at the “squiggly lines” on a one-inch puzzle piece and zeroing in on the area of the puzzle picture where it will fit. Interestingly, only recently did Robert decide he enjoyed puzzles. I think the isolation of the Covid quarantine nudged him to try a puzzle; and he ended up being quite adept at it and actually appreciating the challenge.   Working a puzzle together has shown us that each of us brings gifts “to the table” to help accomplish the task. While I notice the tiny features of a color, shape or  squiggle, Robert can see the overall design. In this case, my attention to detail complements Robert’s creativity.

Finally, back to the aspect of checking in: it is vital to a relationship and requires clear and kind communication. We asked each other for advice. We shared ideas and observations. I even let Robert put in the final puzzle piece.

But perhaps the greatest gifts for us as we worked the puzzle were how it fostered closeness, and it was fun! For some time each day, over weeks, we sat side-by-side at the puzzle table. We rubbed shoulders (literally) and reached around and across each other. We chatted and laughed as we worked toward a common goal. It was a sweet time together, time that nurtured our marriage.

Try a puzzle together!

But if puzzles just aren’t your thing, find an activity to do with your spouse that builds your loving relationship – riding bikes; walking in the park or hiking in the mountains; fishing or crosswords or refinishing furniture or cooking.

And, of course, remember to pray together. Couple prayer is the foundation of your relationship in Christ. These activities foster “togetherness” and fun, drawing out your gifts and strengthening your marriage.

By Robert Fontana

No, it is not a vacation. Oh, we will take a few days to visit a quaint Italian village with hot springs and ancient Etruscan relics and history.

However, our reason for going is to join an international group of activists on a pilgrimage walk to pray and advocate for greater protection of children, youth, and vulnerable adults in Catholic Church law and practice. We are also asking for changes in Catholic Church law and practice concerning the treatment of people like us, whistleblowers, who sound the alarm when something is amiss!

I know you are so tired of hearing from us about another case of sex abuse and/or cover-up of that abuse by Catholic leaders. And if you think you are tired of hearing about it, believe me, we get it. So are we.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Please, if you have fatigue with the sexual abuse crisis in the Catholic Church, take a deep breath, let it go, and ask the Holy Spirit,

“What is mine to do to in response to the abuse of children and vulnerable adults by ministers of the Church, clergy, religious, and lay, and the cover-up of this abuse by Catholic leaders?

Shortly after the abuse crisis became public in 2002, when practically every diocese in the country was implicated in revelations of clergy sex abuse and cover- up by bishops, When Fr. Ron Rolheiser spoke on this topic at Seattle University, a presentation I attended, he said something  to the effect of:

“We as a church must correct this and get it right; otherwise, how can we ever help the world deal     effectively with the pandemic level of sex abuse of minors happening in our world, in homes, at schools, and in any organization that serves children and youth.

That was true in 2002, and it is true today. The place where children are most at risk for abuse is not in the Catholic Church; it is in the home. Children are sexually abused by parents, stepparents, relatives, babysitters, and unrelated boyfriends/girlfriends at a far higher rate than they are abused by clergy.

I have a friend whose young teen daughter was sexually abused by the father of the children she was babysitting. Another friend’s young child was abused by an active youth group member. Another friend was abused by a parent; and another friend…

You get the picture. Sexual abuse of minors and vulnerable adults is epidemic in our culture. Sexual predators of youth and children are here to stay. They are in all institutions that serve children and youth, including the Catholic Church. If we as a church are going to help solve this crisis in society, we must address it in our church. All of us have a responsibility to do what we can to help this Church we love respond honestly and effectively to the sex abuse crisis.

For Lori and me, what we did for the first 15 years we knew about clergy sex abuse was to trust that the bishops would take care of the problem. Thinking that, we became part of the problem. We were complicit in the cover-up of sex abuse because we trusted that bishops, some of them our close friends, would effectively deal with the crisis. But they did not. They protected predator clergy by moving them from parish to parish; they protected themselves from their deliberate cover-up of the abuse; and they often hid their own secrets of sexual abuse and misbehavior. It took the awful stories of Father Marcial Maciel, founder of the Legionnaires of Christ and friend to Pope John Paul II, and Cardinal Theodore McCarrick, also a friend of popes, to expose how deeply embedded in the hierarchy is corruption connected to clergy sex abuse.

Sadly, we learned the hard way that the most effective route for change on the sexual abuse front is to expose the criminal and immoral behavior of sexual predators and the church leaders protecting them. We faced painful choices: we could ignore the facts and continue to be part of the problem; leave the Church all together; or remain Catholic and work for change. We chose this last option. This, we discerned through prayer, is what was “ours to do” in Christ.

As part of that decision, made over 20 years ago, we are going to Rome to participate in a 120-mile pilgrimage walk with participants from around the world. Walking and  carrying a large wooden cross, we will join in prayer for changes in church law and practice that will strengthen rules to prevent sexual predators and those who protect them from ever serving as clergy again.

Activists also want the Pope to make it clear that any church member, clergy or lay, who exposes sexual abuse and coverup will be protected. To this end, the organization sponsoring the pilgrimage walk, Ending  Clergy Abuse USA, will hold a series of meetings, a candlelight prayer vigil, and a press conference.

Please pray for our pilgrimage, and we will bring each of you and your intentions in our hearts along our walk. We have even written Pope Francis a personal letter asking to meet with him to share our story and suggest actions to promote healing and holiness in our church. (My thinking is, if you don’t buy a lottery ticket, you can’t win the lottery, so I wrote directly to our Pope.)

by Robert Fontana

There is no ultimate communion with God without dying. Lazarus died and was raised by Jesus but died again. We all know this and, of course, try to think about it as little as possible. It reminds me of the preacher who was giving a fiery sermon one Sunday morning, talking about the evils of this world and the glory in the world to come. He shouts out, “I’m on the train to glory; who’s coming with me? Let me see those hands. I’m on the train to glory; now who’s coming with me?”

Men and women, young and old, began raising their hands and shouting out, “Count me in preacher, I’m getting on that train to glory!” “Me too! I’m coming!”

The preacher looked around and felt mighty proud that his preaching had stirred such faith. All hands were up, and the people were shouting, “I’m on the train to glory! I’m on the train to glory!”

That is, all hands up but one. A young man in the back pew was quietly looking around, keeping his hands close to his sides. The preacher walked up to him and said, “My young brother, don’t you want to join us on that train to glory?!” The young man looked up at the preacher, paused, and asked, “TODAY?”

We all want to get to heaven, but not today. And yet, there is no other way to eternal communion with God except through the diminishment of the body and death. We can be forgiven for not keeping this in the forefront of our minds, especially when we are young and/or new in our faith.

When I began to discover God’s love in my life, I felt so much joy and motivation to be a better person. I read the Gospels which began with Jesus’ doing amazing healings and people leaving all to follow him. I was in high school, and the most immediate impact on my behavior was that I began to make time for prayer, learning to fast, avoiding alcohol, and wanting to respect girls as I began dating.

Jesus not only awakened his followers to a new way of being in the world as his disciples. He also prepared them for the struggles to come by teaching them to develop the virtues and character essential to discipleship. Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”  Matthew 16:24-26

Jesus laid a spiritual framework for mature discipleship capable of confronting the struggles to come: prayer, alone and with others; the Beatitudes, the disciplines of fasting and almsgiving; and the creating of a new community in which tax collectors and public sinners, men and  women and children are welcome. Essential to this new way of living was the practice of “love of enemies” and non-violence.  Jesus set the stage for a spirituality of diminishment: relinquishing worldly power for spiritual power.

We experience a form of diminishment, a dying to self, in conforming our lives to Jesus’ life. We let go of our sins, unhealthy habits, negative biases, prejudices and resentments and unhealthy attachments to power, positions, possessions, and privilege, and replace these with the spiritual disciplines mentioned above. This brings us great joy and inner peace.

And as we mature in faith and put our gifts to the service of the Kingdom, we also discover our limitations, the limitations of others, especially those in the community of faith. I can remember Lori’s and my first foray into an intentional community with other like-minded people who wanted to build a community among the poor. It was a disaster! We were all so high and mighty and thought we were creating a modern version of St. Francis and his followers. Wrong! We left it after six months.

We discovered just how little wisdom, humility, and communication skills we had. 

However, we learned from our failures and began to see that God uses our limitations and weaknesses for God’s good purpose. God was training us to have the fortitude and faith to cope with the diminishment that was sure to come through experiences of sickness, the tragic deaths of young friends and family members, the persistent presence of mental illness in people we love, and our own growing fragility as we’ve aged: “…we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

Diminishment is the fundamental path to God. Paul learned this while begging God to remove a certain “thorn in his side:” But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 1 Corinthians 12:9

By embracing the spiritual journey when we are young and able, and cultivating a practice of letting go and trusting in God, we are preparing ourselves to face the struggles that come with the diminishment of our physical and mental abilities through sickness and aging. But we face death, both our own and the death of those whom we love, not like those who live “without hope.”

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places…I go to prepare a place for you.” John 14:1-3

Death may come suddenly through tragedy or illness, or slowly over months or years. Regardless, all of us must journey through a personal Gethsemane and Calvary on our way to that “train of glory,” resurrected life. This is not a cause for fear, avoidance, or despair. It is, rather, just an aspect of life that we need to accept with a humble combination of gratitude and grieving. We grieve all the losses, and we give thanks for all the blessings.

We are not alone in our diminishment. Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us, and with us, too, are our loved ones. In the end, we hope for what we Catholics call “the Happy Death,” surrounded by our family and friends, and cradled by the graces of the Holy Spirit.

by Robert Fontana

There is no ultimate communion with God without dying. Lazarus died and was raised by Jesus but died again. We all know this and, of course, try to think about it as little as possible. It reminds me of the preacher who was giving a fiery sermon one Sunday morning, talking about the evils of this world and the glory in the world to come. He shouts out, “I’m on the train to glory; who’s coming with me? Let me see those hands. I’m on the train to glory; now who’s coming with me?”

Men and women, young and old, began raising their hands and shouting out, “Count me in preacher, I’m getting on that train to glory!” “Me too! I’m coming!”

The preacher looked around and felt mighty proud that his preaching had stirred such faith. All hands were up, and the people were shouting, “I’m on the train to glory! I’m on the train to glory!”

That is, all hands up but one. A young man in the back pew was quietly looking around, keeping his hands close to his sides. The preacher walked up to him and said, “My young brother, don’t you want to join us on that train to glory?!” The young man looked up at the preacher, paused, and asked, “TODAY?”

We all want to get to heaven, but not today. And yet, there is no other way to eternal communion with God except through the diminishment of the body and death. We can be forgiven for not keeping this in the forefront of our minds, especially when we are young and/or new in our faith.

When I began to discover God’s love in my life, I felt so much joy and motivation to be a better person. I read the Gospels which began with Jesus’ doing amazing healings and people leaving all to follow him. I was in high school, and the most immediate impact on my behavior was that I began to make time for prayer, learning to fast, avoiding alcohol, and wanting to respect girls as I began dating.

Jesus not only awakened his followers to a new way of being in the world as his disciples. He also prepared them for the struggles to come by teaching them to develop the virtues and character essential to discipleship. Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”  Matthew 16:24-26

Jesus laid a spiritual framework for mature discipleship capable of confronting the struggles to come: prayer, alone and with others; the Beatitudes, the disciplines of fasting and almsgiving; and the creating of a new community in which tax collectors and public sinners, men and  women and children are welcome. Essential to this new way of living was the practice of “love of enemies” and non-violence.  Jesus set the stage for a spirituality of diminishment: relinquishing worldly power for spiritual power.

We experience a form of diminishment, a dying to self, in conforming our lives to Jesus’ life. We let go of our sins, unhealthy habits, negative biases, prejudices and resentments and unhealthy attachments to power, positions, possessions, and privilege, and replace these with the spiritual disciplines mentioned above. This brings us great joy and inner peace.

And as we mature in faith and put our gifts to the service of the Kingdom, we also discover our limitations, the limitations of others, especially those in the community of faith. I can remember Lori’s and my first foray into an intentional community with other like-minded people who wanted to build a community among the poor. It was a disaster! We were all so high and mighty and thought we were creating a modern version of St. Francis and his followers. Wrong! We left it after six months.

We discovered just how little wisdom, humility, and communication skills we had. 

However, we learned from our failures and began to see that God uses our limitations and weaknesses for God’s good purpose. God was training us to have the fortitude and faith to cope with the diminishment that was sure to come through experiences of sickness, the tragic deaths of young friends and family members, the persistent presence of mental illness in people we love, and our own growing fragility as we’ve aged: “…we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

Diminishment is the fundamental path to God. Paul learned this while begging God to remove a certain “thorn in his side:” But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 1 Corinthians 12:9

By embracing the spiritual journey when we are young and able, and cultivating a practice of letting go and trusting in God, we are preparing ourselves to face the struggles that come with the diminishment of our physical and mental abilities through sickness and aging. But we face death, both our own and the death of those whom we love, not like those who live “without hope.”

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places…I go to prepare a place for you.” John 14:1-3

Death may come suddenly through tragedy or illness, or slowly over months or years. Regardless, all of us must journey through a personal Gethsemane and Calvary on our way to that “train of glory,” resurrected life. This is not a cause for fear, avoidance, or despair. It is, rather, just an aspect of life that we need to accept with a humble combination of gratitude and grieving. We grieve all the losses, and we give thanks for all the blessings.

We are not alone in our diminishment. Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us, and with us, too, are our loved ones. In the end, we hope for what we Catholics call “the Happy Death,” surrounded by our family and friends, and cradled by the graces of the Holy Spirit.

Two our of friends died this month – both “too young.” Both funerals were celebrated this past week.

On July 1, Angela, a counselor colleague of Robert’s, died while swimming, probably due to a cardiac event. Her death was quite shocking, really. We did not know she had any major health concerns. Only 44 years old, she was one of the most dynamic, vivacious, faith-filled people we know.

She was a force of nature, and from all accounts, a very caring, skilled mental health therapist. She was single; her extended family lives back east; so, with a couple other of her friends, Robert and I helped to clean out her counseling office and clear out her apartment. When her dad and sister arrived, we connected in a small way to grieve and to share some happy, poignant memories of Angela.

Angela’s memorial Mass was well attended. It was beautiful, formal, with lots of Latin chants and old hymns. Her sister gave a heart-warming, heartfelt, and humorous eulogy. All of us Seattle friends knew how much Angela loved and treasured her family. That came through clearly in the eulogy.

Angela lived life with gusto. She did most everything full bore. She was “all in” with life and shared that zest with others. One day at the office, Robert ran into  Angela and couldn’t help exclaiming, “Angela! You look like a leprechaun!” Angela was decked out in Emerald Isle green: green dress, green stockings, green shoes, even green eye shadow with sparkles.

Angela laughed her full-throated laugh and responded, “Thank you!”

She had a knack of drawing people into her enthusiasm because she was so confident in her own worth, loved by God. She will be greatly missed.

On July 17, our dear dear Yakima friend of many years, John, died. John’s death was long-expected. He battled a rare cancer, adenoid carcinoma, for 16 years. In the past 15 months, we’d made 3 different trips to Yakima when his wife called us to say, “I think this is it. You’d better come now to say goodbye.” But each time, John rallied…until this time.

John gave us such a truly amazing example of “living until you die.” Just three weeks before he died, his family took him on a hot air balloon ride at sunrise. He was not able to speak much, but he was wide-eyed and alert and loving every moment, high in the sky, over sun-drenched Skykomish farmlands, surrounded by beloved family.

In his last months, he continued to jog, go to Friday evening Adoration, greet the mailman each day, play card games, especially Go Fish! He was a man of prayer, right to the end, filled with the hope and the assurance of God’s love and of life eternal with the angels, Mother Mary, and the communion of saints.

John’s funeral showed the depth and breadth of his love for others. There were people representing the different “spheres” of his life – his large family /extended family, school colleagues and students with whom he had worked as an elementary school counselor, friends – both current and also from grade school and high school. The stories and memories, along with laughter and tears, flowed copiously!

The loss of our two friends gives me much to ponder. I’m so sad. Waves of grief wash over me several times a day now. Tears flow, and I whisper prayers of thanksgiving for these dear ones and prayers of    compassion for the family they leave behind.

But I’m also inspired. These two lovely people were people of great faith. They loved God and joyfully shared that love in all the circumstances of their lives. They met life challenges with the hope of eternal life. They remind us that we’re all on this same journey toward death, and onward to eternal life. And, very poignantly, they remind us to live fully until we die.

Bishop Desmond Tutu said:

“We are each made for goodness, love and compassion. Our lives are transformed as much as is the world when we live these truths.”

Our friends John and Angela lived this way.  I want to follow their example, living until I die and using all my gifts, and even my imperfections, to be a power for God’s goodness in the world.

By Robert Fontana

Dear Friends, Seven years ago, after being asked repeatedly by Catholic priests to help couples in struggling marriages, we added individual and marriage counseling into our ministry offerings. My first attempts at couples counseling were awful. I did not know how to assist couples in truly combative relationships. With the support of CLM, I earned a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. I can happily report to you some wonderful success stories of couples on the verge of divorce who came to see me and now have turned things around. 

**Following the disclosure of her affair, a young couple with small children reconciled and is rebuilding their marriage. When he could accept that the affair was a consequence of a bad marriage in which he had a role, he could forgive her for the affair, and they could work on building a new marriage.

**A devoutly Christian couple had grown apart after over 30 years of marriage. They revitalized their marriage by rebuilding friendship, grieving their many years of failing to love one another well, and learning ways to meet one another’s emotional needs.

**A devoutly Catholic couple at odds with one another had signed divorce papers after a difficult and painful year when they separated and created separate households. They had actually signed divorce papers, but then did not submit them. Instead, they called me to help them rebuild love, trust, and intimacy.

**A couple without a faith background had “fallen out of love,” and came to see me. They had developed a pattern of withdrawing from one another and had given up hope that love could be restored. That was eight months ago, and today they are thriving!

 Not all couples counseling outcomes are successful, but many are! I attribute this to your prayers (and Lori’s) which I know help me to be attentive to the Holy Spirit as I use my training and skills to:

1) gain the trust of the couple and help them to see that each spouse has contributed to the bad marriage.

2) de-escalate tension by really listening to each spouse share his/her side of the story and validating the emotions being expressed;

3) bring to light the negative dynamic the couple has created through various negative ways of interacting;

4) help couple to replace this negative dynamic with more constructive patterns based on listening to one another, validating each other’s emotions, changing problematic behaviors, revealing one another’s emotional needs in the marriage, and working together to meeting these needs;

5) guide couples toward restoring love, friendship, trust, and intimacy.

Friends, the work that Lori and I do in Catholic Life Ministries, through my clinical practice and our ministry outreach, is made possible by the faithful prayer and generous financial support of our sponsors. Sponsor donations   cover at least half of our budget, helping to support our writing, retreats, workshops, and spiritual direction on the ministry side and allowing me to have a sliding scale for low-income clients on the clinical side. This is our annual   letter to invite you to support our ministry with donations and/or prayer; or, if you are a current supporter, to thank you with grateful hearts and invite you to continue your support. Our ministry has changed over the years as you will see in the photos below and on the back page, but the original mission endures:

to awaken faith, strengthen marriages and families, build Christian community, to empower the Christian faithful to be a power for good in the world!

Is God calling you to support CLM? We understand that you have plenty of good people from a variety of agencies seeking your spiritual and financial support. Please give our work your prayerful consideration. We respect and honor your decision to sponsor ministries other than CLM.  However, if you sense a calling to support us please write us at robert@catholiclifeministries.org (and send us your prayer intentions). You can donate online at catholiclifeministries.org (look at the column on right, scroll down to “donate” button).

by Lori Fontana

You know how when you have a job to do, especially one that is a bit unfamiliar to you, the right tools make a HUGE difference in your success. In the past few weeks, Robert and I have had several occasions of attempting a job (home repair – not our strength!) and needing to find just the right tools to complete the job satisfactorily. More on this later…

Two Sundays ago, we heard a great homily about the 8^th and 9^th sacraments. Hey, you say! Doesn’t the church have only 7 sacraments? And if ever an 8^th sacrament is talked about, wouldn’t that be “Bingo?”

No, the priest did not talk about Bingo. But he did concur with many modern theologians who point to Jesus as the 8^th sacrament – “an outward sign, instituted by Christ, to give grace.” The person of Jesus is the ultimate outward sign of God’s grace. Jesus shows us close up God’s love and mercy, God’s guidance and compassion. Indeed, Jesus is the very embodiment of grace in action, grace lived day-by-day in the world.

And what about a 9^th sacrament?

Well, say many theologians, the 9^th sacrament is “we,” we Catholics / Christians, all the people of God! After all, isn’t each one of us commissioned by our baptism to be living, breathing signs of God’s grace in the world? As St Teresa of Avila says,

“Christ has no body now on earth but yours, no hands, no feet but yours. Your are the eyes with which Christ looks out his compassion to the world. Yours are the feet with which he is to go about doing good. Your are the hands with which he is to bless us now.”

Author William J. Toms sums it up succinctly:

“Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some person ever reads.”

Pretty tall assignment – WE as sacrament. And my goodness, does our world need God’s grace! How can we live up to this task of being Jesus’ disciples?

Remember how I mentioned the importance having the “proper tools” for the job at hand? If we are the hands of feet of Jesus, if we are to make real the Gospel to those we meet, if we are a sacrament, then we must be equipped with the basic tools we need to share God’s grace. What are those necessary tools?

For a start, I propose these: openness, listening, and courage.

Openness – Can I be open to and in awe of our loving God; open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit; open to the dignity and marvel of God’s presence in each person I meet; open to the grandeur and wonder of nature, God’s creation?

Listening – Can I listen to the “still, small voice” of God in my prayer, learning from God’s directions and encouragement? Then can I bring that listening attitude to each person I meet?

Courage – Do I have the courage to believe that I am God’s ambassador in the world? Can I share my story, mainly by how I live my life, and when appropriate, through words?

Developing these tools of discipleship is a lifelong process. Our sphere of influence in bringing Christ to the world may seem very small. But each of us is important; in fact, each of us plays a vital role in bringing God’s message of love and forgiveness to the world. As Mother Teresa said, “Small things done with great love will change the world.” God wants to use us to spread grace and is just waiting for our “yes.” How will you be a sacrament today?

By Lori Fontana

We’re all on the road “home” to God. We all want to get to heaven…though not today, Lord. But we’re not just in a holding pattern here. What are we doing “while we wait” for entrance into our eternal home? The chorus from a 60’s church song contains my two main thoughts:

Love one another; love one another, as I have loved you.

Care for each other; care for each other, as I have cared for you.

And bear one another’s burdens, and share each other’s joys.

Love one another; love one another, and bring each other home.

First, I recognize and embrace that I am a beloved child of God; and in this love, God gives me gifts and  talents. None of us has ALL the gifts, nor are our gifts perfect; but each gift is valuable. It’s important that I not measure my worth according to a false hierarchy of gifts. When St Paul talks about the parts of the body, each part has a different function, but all parts are valued and needed.  1 Corinthians 12: 14 – 22

Secondly, who I am and the gifts I have – these are meant for me and for others, for the community.  The Christian life is not just God and me.

The Christian life is a shared life. All love, including God’s love, is made real in the giving and the receiving. In the famous Rublev Trinity icon, the figures representing God the Father, God the Son – Jesus, and God the Holy Spirit are arranged in a circle, acknowledging each other. They are depicted in relationship with each other!

Each of us is created and loved by God. But from the moment we are born, we are diminishing, whether through illness or injury, external calamities such as job loss or natural disasters, or simply by aging. Where do we draw purpose and hope in light of diminishment? St. Paul offers a hopeful message: that even while we may appear to be “wasting away,” we are growing closer to our eternal glory in God. But we’re not called to retreat to a private corner and waste away. In the time we are given here, we are called to use our gifts to build up the reign of God, to be a power for good in the world.  2 Corinthians 4:7 – 10, 16 – 18

Our Catholic tradition offers the saints, people who, even though suffering limitations, were a power for good. Plus, there are saintly people all around us – “saints-in-the-making.” Here are a few examples.

Sr. Thea Bowman was an African American woman, born in rural Mississippi in the 1930’s. Hers was a loving family, but being a woman and an African American, in the rural south – these were challenges. Taught by Franciscan sisters, she was inspired to join their convent in Wisconsin – a group of all white women, some of whom had never seen a black person. Sr. Thea’s strong confidence in God’s love and purpose for her life carried her forward. She was a natural teacher, using all the gifts of her black Christian culture – song, dance, a deep faith honed through persecution – to guide her students. Until the end of her 50-some years of life, she remained hope-filled and faith-filled until finally succumbing to a painful cancer. In the midst of her illness, Sr. Thea famously said: “Part of my approach to my illness has been to say I want to choose life. I want to keep going. I want to live fully until I die.” Sr. Thea – a power for good!

My mom just turned 93 which brings with it the diminishment of physical and mental abilities and      energy. In Mount St Vincent assisted living, she is welcoming and kind to everyone, a “missionary” for the love of Jesus. Though hard of hearing most of her life, she is otherwise quite healthy and gets up each morning with purpose. Even though she is shy, she reaches out to the people around her because she knows the challenges people face when moving into assisted living, and she wants to help. My mom – a power for good!

Joey K – Our friend Joey is a young adult who has Downs Syndrome. Some might say Joey has a difficult challenge. However, Joey doesn’t see it that way. He lives a full, successful life, energized by his desire to help – in his family, community, church, and workplace. From a very young age, he visited the elderly with his family. Now, Joey works at the retirement home. He does his job with great love and care, and he is a friend to all! Outside of work, Joey is a lead usher at Our Lady of Guadalupe Parish, and he always serves at funeral Masses. He is a member of the board of directors for the local Downs Syndrome Community organization. Joey is positive, outgoing, generous in sharing his gifts, and confident that he is loved by God. In that confidence, he loves others. He recognizes others’ gifts and draws them out. Joey – a power for good!

Each of you, I’m sure, knows many folks who, though dealing with their own challenges, use their gifts to help others. Each is a power for God’s goodness in the world. Every one of us is called to be a power for good. Even while, as St Paul says, we are “wasting away” in this life, we can be the hands and feet, heart and voice of Jesus in our world, as our own circumstances allow. We can be a power for good within the providence of our everyday life. What we do and how we do it will look different for each person; but we all can do something!

Mother Teresa encourages us with, “Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” And as Erma Bombeck, an author, humorist and devout Catholic, said:

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’”

That’s being a power for good!

By Robert Fontana

The Greek Orthodox teach that the “heart of God” is anchored in the human heart because the human person is made in God’s image and likeness. The most ancient dwelling place for God in history is not the Ark of the Covenant (with the 10 commandments), not the temple in Jerusalem and not even in the Catholic tabernacle where the Eucharist is reserved. God dwells most intimately in God’s creation, especially in every woman and man because we are made in God’s image and likeness:

Then God said: Let us make human beings in our image, after our likeness. God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:26-27

St. Paul agrees:

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? 1 Cor 6:19

Catholic teaching affirms this.

The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man [and woman are] created by God and for God, and God never ceases to draw [them] to himself. Catechism of the Catholic Church, Art. 27

Deep within his conscience man discovers a law which he has not laid upon himself but which he must obey. Its voice, ever calling him to love and to do what is good and to avoid evil, sounds in his heart at the right moment…. For man has in his heart a law inscribed by God…. His conscience is man’s most secret core and his sanctuary. There he is alone with God whose voice echoes in his depths.  Catechism of the Catholic Church Art. 1776

The pathway to the heart of God is the human heart. Each is connected to the other. Every human being regardless of race, creed, color, sexual orientation, or political persuasion has a direct relationship with God “whose voice echoes in his/her depths.” And the fundamental truth that God speaks to every human being from the moment of conception until old age and death is, “My beloved child, I love you. Abide in me as I abide in you.” (John 15:4 adapted)

Of course, we humans have not abided in God. We all know the story of sin in the world and sin in our own hearts. We have been raised in our own family and in a Church community which have struggled to help us know our deepest identity in God. But childhood wounds, personal traumas, poor choices, addictions, and corruption in the Church and society have caused us to forget our deepest identity. We see this echoed so beautifully in the story of Zacchaeus the Jewish tax collector.  (See Luke 19:1-10)

Zacchaeus is a Jewish man who, through his collaboration with the Romans as their tax collector, has forgotten his roots. He is a crook who has robbed his own people for material gain and has worked his way up to the top of his profession as the chief tax collector. Yet he is unhappy. He wants to see Jesus and so climbs a tree and gets into a place where he can see Jesus clearly. And when he does, Jesus calls out to him and says, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.”

Zacchaeus comes down with joy. He is already a changed person. The crowds, meanwhile, get angry at Jesus for staying at the house of a sinner. Jesus has never called Zacchaeus a sinner. He has never said to him, “Repent from your crimes, and get on your knees, and beg forgiveness from God and the people you have robbed.” All we know is that Jesus took the initiative to be with Zacchaeus and dine with him. Zacchaeus, for his part, shows that he has changed:

I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.

Wow! Jesus is impressed. He realizes that Zacchaeus now remembers who he is, where his deepest identity lies. It is not in being a tax collector, a rich and powerful man of the world.  What does Jesus say?

Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham.

Jesus is the incarnation of God’s love. Whatever is in the heart of God is enfleshed in the person of Jesus. To encounter Jesus is to begin the process of rediscovering the deepest truth about oneself by hearing the voice of God say:

“My beloved child, I love you. Abide in me as I abide in you.”

What is the path of prayer to “abide with God?” It is the prayer of the heart, prayer that lets go of words, mental examinations, even imaginative play, and is simply being with God in silence and quiet. This is very Biblical:

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

When you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. In praying, do not babble like the pagans, who think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them. Your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Matthew  6:6-8

Slowly over time, by quieting the active mind, the anxious body, the restless soul, we humans learn to rest in God, to receive God’s love, and to let go of unnecessary attachments, fears, resentments, regrets, shames, and control, and finally find a measure of freedom to oneself in Christ. Joy wells up! Love wells up! Peace wells up! Not always, but most of the time. 

Prayer of the heart, is a way of praying for every person, especially those like Zacchaeus who get up every day and go to work, even as a tax collector, to be a power for good, confident in one’s true identity as God’s beloved son or daughter.