Catholic Life Ministries

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Packing for Eternity

by Kristin White

“Joy at the start. Fear in the journey. Joy at the coming home. Part of the Heart gets lost in the learning. Somewhere along the Road.”
–Dan Fogelberg

By the time you read this I’ll have dropped them off at the airport. I will hold him tight against me and tell him I love him. He’ll get two kisses and a love from Grace, and I’m sure at least one of our boys will cry and ask if they can go with him.

My husband, Chris, and his closest friend, Father Steve Clovis, are embarking on a 19-day pilgrimage starting in Portugal and ending in Spain. The Camino De Santiago. They talked for a couple of years about a trip, contemplated World Youth Day, and settled on a pilgrimage — where the destination is not the trip, but the journey is the destination. They will walk roughly 160 miles, staying in Albergues, which are hostels just for pilgrims making this journey. For the past year we have saved and planned. The day they leave we’ll double-check that he has his passport and money to travel, his pilgrim’s passport, the right socks to avoid blisters, and all the essentials needed to embark on a trip like this — everything that can be carried in a backpack.

Chris has read countless books about the journey. Many people do this pilgrimage for a prayer intention, or in thanksgiving, or as a penance. He said he’s doing a little of all three. As much as he’s prepared, there are still unknowns, which is part of the adventure.
It is a chance of a lifetime.

Living life to the fullest has become very important to our family in the last months. We have dealt with a tremendous amount of illness, and two of Chris’s coworkers and friends died; one of them killed in the line of duty. We have been in this constant state of grief, anxiety, prayer, thanksgiving… trying to figure out how to be good parents, and staying connected to one another when our hearts are heavy. We both have felt this strange trepidation that time is moving too fast. We try to pack everything in. But there may not be enough time to fit it all in a backpack.

When we married almost 11 years ago, all I saw was time. Floating in front of us…. Countless days to build dreams we had. Months to learn about each other. Years to grow old together. But then I blinked and we had debts and a mortgage, I took a breath and we had a baby, and then another. I was prepared for teething, but completely unprepared for potty training. With each child we had to relearn how they liked to be comforted and swaddled — as each child has their own separate personality. I set my alarm and woke up with three boys in bunk beds and a little girl in pink snoring in her crib. The love of my life has grey in his hair. Some days I feel like I am doing my job right — that I’m a good mother, a good wife. Other days I raise my voice about laundry, see only the crumbs that need to be swept up, and watch the circles under my eyes expand. On those days I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling wondering if I’m ever going to get it right. And the clock keeps ticking; every hour that passes brings me closer to a day where I’m not funny to my kids, just background noise… Every day they change before my eyes. And in seconds everything can change. I used to think if I packed everything and planned well enough we’d have time. I know different now.

But then something happens and I find comfort. Jonah, our oldest, has been having anxiety ever since his Dad’s friend was killed. We pray and comfort him often about it. But tonight as I typed this and tried to coax Grace to sleep, Jonah came out and stood before me. And Christ, once again, reminded me that no matter how fast time is slipping by, I have all I need.

“Hey Mom…” he said, “I was just talking to Jesus, and he told me not to worry. That he’s going to help me with my anxiety.” Jonah proceeded to tell me how he and Jesus had worked it out.

You see this journey I wasn’t prepared for was prepared for me. It’s not easy, but we are taken care of. Life is passing by, but I don’t have to do it all. I don’t have to fit it all in. My kids know Jesus. They talk to Him. And this journey is not the destination; the destination is an eternity with Jesus. And I will do the best I can to get my family there, holding my faith close. I want Our Heavenly Father to take us with him.

I keep getting asked if, after Chris gets back, I’m going to go on a trip, get away, get a break. But I have no desire. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time someday to have different adventures… but to be honest; right now I’m living my chance of a lifetime.

Politics: Abortion — the Slave Power of the 21st Century

by Robert Fontana

Many people who know me know that I am an avid reader of the American Civil War, known also as the War Between the States, and, my particular favorite, the War for Southern Independence. But however one calls this awful conflict that ripped apart our nation, it is very important in this 150th anniversary year to remind ourselves of the fundamental cause of the war: slavery.

Here’s what Lincoln wrote at his second inaugural address:
One-eighth of the whole population were colored slaves, not distributed generally over the Union, but localized in the southern part of it. These slaves constituted a peculiar and powerful interest. All knew that this interest was somehow the cause of the war. To strengthen, perpetuate, and extend this interest was the object for which the insurgents would rend the Union even by war, while the Government claimed no right to do more than to restrict the territorial enlargement of it.

It is popular today for many people, mostly Southern conservatives and “Tea Party” advocates, to claim that the War for Southern Independence was fought to assert the rights of the states against an over-reaching federal government led by Lincoln. But this is a distorted reading of American history and has more to do with modern politics than the issues leading up to the war fought for Southern independence so that slavery and the economic life it supported would continue without interference. In fact, in the years between the writing of the Constitution and the Civil War, it was the individual northern states that resisted the federal government, dominated by the slave interests, from expanding the rights of slave owners over the nation, including the western territories.

Here are some basic facts:

1. The 3/5th Clause of the Constitution — This required that slaves, who could not vote, be counted when considerations were made for determining how many congressional representatives were apportioned to a congressional district. This gave Southern states a disproportionate advantage in the House of Representatives and strengthened “slave power’s” dominance over passing laws and appropriating money.
2. The Fugitive Slave Act of 1793 — This federal law required all states to return escaped slaves to their legal owners. The act of 1793 was so undermined by Northern states that refused to cooperate with it (the Missouri Supreme Court even declared that a slave brought into its borders was freed from his/her bondage), that Congress passed a second and more stringent Fugitive Slave Act in 1850.
3. The Dred Scott Decision of 1857 — The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a slave brought to a “free” state was still a slave because he, as in the case of the slave Dred Scott, is not a person but the property of its owner. The court ruled that slavery was legal in all states and U.S. territories.

I write all this to show how something that seems impossible to comprehend today, the buying and selling of African American human beings as if they were cattle, was fully supported by the framers of the Constitution, congressional and executive actions, and the U.S. Supreme Court. Yes, there were many good people who opposed slavery even during the debates over the Constitution, but their good efforts were blocked by the slave powers that carried the day.

I think we have a modern version of slave power; abortion power. Abortion power runs through the U.S. Supreme Court, liberal and moderate congressional leaders, Republicans and Democrats, and the current presidency. And although we know scientifically that a baby’s heart begins to beat 18 days from conception, and brain waves are detected at six weeks from conception, and fingerprints are formed by the 14th week from conception, states like mine (Washington) permit abortion on demand, without any restrictions, for the first six months of pregnancy.

One hundred fifty years ago, many Americans depended on slave power for their livelihood and way of life. They could not see that the black man, woman, and child had an inherent dignity as human beings made in God’s image and likeness, and that enslaving them was a grave sin against humanity and God.
The abortion lobby came to power through the Supreme Court decision legalizing abortion in 1973. It was not only the privacy issue that led the justices to conclude that abortion was protected by the Constitution, but the court’s conclusion that unborn babies are not persons and therefore enjoy no protection from the Constitution. This sounds awfully similar to the infamous Dred Scott decision that declared slaves were property, not human beings and, therefore, not citizens protected by the Constitution.

Abortion power, like slave power, insists on total federal support of abortion without interference or restrictions by the states. There are many good people working to restrict the power of the abortion industry, and not all of them are Republicans. There are liberals of conscience like Democrats for Life and Feminists for Life who recognize the human and civil rights that are violated when abortion is permitted without serious restrictions.

Slave power dominated American politics from the inception of the Constitution until the 13th and 14th amendments abolishing slavery and protecting the basic civil rights of citizens from outside interference by the states. I think we need a similar amendment to the Constitution that recognizes unborn children as persons that deserve constitutional protection. I pray that I see the day that we as a nation will look back on the “abortion wars” like we do on slavery and say, “How could we have been so blind as a country to fail to protect the life and human dignity of babies in the womb?”

Engaging the Engaged: Marriage Preparation Ministry

by Robert Fontana

I suppose it was inevitable with all the work that I was doing in marriage ministry and education that a pastor would ask me to design a marriage preparation program for his parish. Father John Madigan, pastor of Holy Rosary Church in Seattle, had something specific in mind. He wanted to return marriage preparation to the parish (and not just farm it out to the Engaged Encounter). He also wanted to help the engaged couple to see their marriage in the Catholic Church as a marriage within a particular community of faith — Holy Rosary. And lastly, he wanted to provide this engaged couple with more than just a photo op on their wedding day (Holy Rosary is a beautiful church) but real and effective preparation for a life together.

So I made a proposal based on his comments and my experience with marriage education and Confirmation preparations. We are calling this outreach Engaging the Engaged, and this is what we are doing for the pilot program (now down to our last event). Let me be clear that the engaged couples who participated are not all “dyed-in-the-wool” Catholics who sailed through the process without hesitation. Some are regular Mass goers, others are not. Not all fiancés were Catholic, but they were open to marrying in the Catholic Church.

1. Mentor Couples — Fr. John invited about two dozen married couples from the parish, introduced them to Engaging the Engaged and asked them to consider serving as mentor couples. The mentor couple purpose is simply to give the engaged couples specific people they know at the parish. The mentor couple job is easy: meet with an engaged couple, ask them their story of engagement and deciding to marry, etc, and share with them their “story of life together as a Catholic couple.” Each engaged couple was assigned three mentor couples and was asked to set up an informal conversation before the catechetical workshops began. Here’s what engaged couples said about these conversations: We really enjoyed our mentor couples! Each has a different story. I’m not a Catholic, and I was hesitant about doing this program, but I have felt so welcomed!
2. Sponsor Couple — Each engaged couple was asked to select one of the three mentor couples to be their sponsor couple. This sponsor couple accompanies one engaged couple from the marriage preparation period until the wedding day. The sponsor couple prays for the engaged, meets them at Mass, shares a meal as they can, and tracks their progress through the preparation period. This is what was said about this relationship: Our sponsor couple is so easy to be with. They obviously have a strong faith. We enjoy seeing them at Mass and meeting them privately for coffee or dessert at their home.
3. Marriage Preparation Catechesis — Many couples today want a valid marriage — that is they are marrying freely and without reservation, intend on being together until separated by death, and are open to having children, but they are uncertain if they want a Catholic marriage. So we decided to break up marriage preparation catechesis into two parts: Discerning a Catholic Marriage, and Preparing for a Catholic Marriage. Each part consists of six one-hour sessions (that’s 12 hours all together), and a conversation with Fr. John to discern if they indeed want to proceed with a Catholic marriage after all they have learned.
   Furthermore, we not only wanted them to have a better understanding of what is expected of couples marrying in the Church, we also wanted to help them develop effective skills in communication and problem solving, and learn more about one another. So, as couples learn about what a Catholic marriage is by reflecting on the marriage rite and its implications for a life together, they are also doing relationship assessments to learn about one another, and they are practicing a very simple but effective communication method that teaches them to be effective listeners and problem solvers. Here’s what they said about these catechetical sessions: The sessions were well organized and the material was easy to use. We loved the Scripture readings included. Everything was good, especially the inventories to help us name issues that we have not talked about. I feel prepared to take on a Catholic marriage. The inventories identified areas of our life that we have not talked about, but need to. We see now that the Catholic marriage gives us a wonderful guide for how to live our life, and a community to support us in this life.
4. Blessing of the Engagement – The last piece to this marriage preparation process was inviting the engaged couples to have their engagement blessed at one of the Sunday Masses so that the entire parish would be invited to pray for and support the couples. This was not a mandatory feature of the program, but all of the engaged couples agreed to do this. Two of the couples had their engagements blessed last weekend, and this is what Father John said about it in an email to me: Robert, the blessing of the two couples worked well today and people appreciated it.

Engaging the Engaged helps couples to discern and prepare for a Catholic marriage that includes effective catechesis, relationship inventories and assessments, enhancement of communication skills, and the support and encouragement of mentor and sponsor couples. You can bring Engaging the Engaged to your parish community. (I also offer Engaging the Engaged one-on-one with couples who want more personal coaching and assistance.) Just give me a call at 509-731-6012 or send me an email using our contact form.