Here I am, Lord… but where’s my passport?
Here I am, Lord… but where’s my passport?
by Robert Fontana
Isaiah the prophet heard God’s call while having a vision of the heavenly glory. When the divine voice asked “Whom shall I send?” Isaiah responded, “Here I am, send me!”
My call to go to Tanzania was less dramatic. I also said, “Here I am, Lord,” but then quickly added, “Where’s my passport?”
I was asked to go by George Mulcaire-Jones, M.D., director of Maternal Life International, a medical nonprofit dedicated to the health and well-being of women around the world. George had developed a family life program called “The Faithful House” as a way of strengthening marriages and preventing the spread of the HIV virus. Catholic dioceses in eight different African countries have implemented this program with great success.
Catholic Relief Services (CRS) has assisted in the funding of “The Faithful House” and partnered with Maternal Life to sponsor a two-week training of lay leaders for this program. The training was to be held in Arusha, Tanzania. George asked me to represent Maternal Life and use my skills to help the leadership couples become more effective in their implementation of “The Faithful House.” I was going to teach relationship skills development every morning for a week.
But it almost never happened!
My first challenge was to get through Tanzanian customs. The problem was that I did not write down any of my contact information. That’s something Lori usually does, but she was back in Yakima teaching 4th graders. I slept very little over the two days that it took me to reach Kilimanjaro Airport, so I was a little cross-eyed and weary when I deplaned and approached the customs agent. (Keep in mind that the custom agent spoke English with a thick Tanzanian accent which cannot quite be captured in the following dialogue.)
Custom Agent: Where will you be staying?
Robert: At the Catholic Archdiocese or with Catholic Relief Services.
Custom Agent: Where?
Robert: Here, I guess.
Custom Agent: Here is the airport; where will you be staying?
Robert: I’m sure they told me but I cannot remember. If I could open my laptop…
Custom Agent: Who is your contact person while you are in Tanzania, and what is an address and phone number where you can be reached?
Robert: Gonzaga, but I don’t know his last name. He has a wife, but I can’t pronounce her name. And I have no idea where they live. I think they are from Uganda.
Custom Agent: They are from Uganda and they are your contact persons here in Tanzania?
Robert: Well, they are very popular.
Custom Agent: Do you have a yellow international medical card?
Before I could answer, he answered for me: “Of course you do not. Go to that room over there.”
I go to the room and a man takes my passport, directing me to sit down.
Man: You do not have the yellow medical card. Have you been vaccinated for yellow fever?
Of course, I have no idea. Surely with all the mosquitoes in Louisiana and the deadly diseases they carry my mother and dad would have made sure that I was vaccinated.
Robert: I have no idea; probably not.
Man: It is good for ten years and costs $50. We can waive it if you want but you may die before you leave (or something like that… I didn’t understand all that he said because of his thick accent, plus, he was talking in Swahili and laughing with his friend who was seated at the nearby table. I was their entertainment for the day).
I received my vaccination and finished going through customs without having established where I was staying and who my contact person would be during my stay in Tanzania. Perhaps the rosary in my pocket helped convince them that I really was heading for the local Catholic Relief Service office.
I was the last person through customs. When I finally made it through, it dawned on me that my ignorance was complete. I had no idea who was going to pick me up. I grabbed my bag at the luggage claim, the last bag to be retrieved, and stepped into the airport lobby wondering, “What next?” And there, to my delight, was a Tanzanian carrying a sign with the letters CRS written on it. I had arrived!
Rob in Tanzania: the Real Story
I worked hard during my days in Tanzania. I helped the leadership couples gain some skills to succeed in their own marriages and as leaders of “The Faithful House.” They were greatly appreciated. The evaluations were outstanding: “You gave us the tools we needed to become better listeners in our marriages. We also know that marriage is a “Holy Communion” and you showed us how to problem-solve in a way that protects our marriage communion. Thank you.”
However, the real story here is the work of Maternal Life, “The Faithful House” Marriage and Family Life Program, and the leadership couples committed to its implementation. One consistent fact of African life that came through the stories of the couples was the abuse of women by men. One woman told me that when she was a young woman and thought about the abuse she would endure as a married woman, she seriously considered entering the convent. And when she did marry a man who was very good and kind to her, her girl friends asked her, “What magic potion did you give him to make him this way?”
They were serious.
Through “The Faithful House,” Maternal Life has found an effective and practical way to undermine one of the most enduring and vicious prejudices that damage human dignity: sexism, the use and abuse of women by men. I could see this truth unfold before me through the kindness and respect that the husbands who were present showed their wives. This was no more evident than in the beautiful story of Boaz and Joyce which I include with this story (below). A typical African man in the same situation as Boaz would have abandoned his wife.
The leadership couple for “The Faithful House” in Africa are Paskasia and Gonzaga Lubega from Uganda. This couple is raising three small children and maintaining a small farm where they grow the food they eat while serving as Maternal Life’s directors for the Faithful House in Africa. They do great work against enormous odds. I want to invite the CLM family to learn more about Maternal Life International by going to their website at mlionline.org or writing George at 326 S. Jackson St., Butte, Montana, USA 59701. Phone/FAX: (406) 782-1719. Email – mlicares@yahoo.com. Please consider making a donation to continue their work!
We are grateful to all of you for your prayers and financial support — which make our work at CLM possible! Send us your prayer intentions!
An African Marriage Success… In Spite of HIV Infection
Joyce: We met in Nakuru when we were neighbors and became friends. I was 21, and Boaz was 31. But before Boaz I had a relationship with a boy who was 19, when I was 17. I knew that he had multiple girlfriends and was sleeping with them, but I thought I loved him and so I slept with him too. I was raised in the Anglican Church, but my faith was not strong.
I was very aware of HIV/AIDS and I knew about sexually transmitted disease. I knew better, I did not like what I was doing, but I had run away from home because my parents did not accept him. I finally left him because of the other girls.
Boaz: When I was a young adult I had no idea about HIV/AIDS. I did not have a steady girlfriend, but I was sexually active and it is only by the grace of God that I was not infected. My father took me to vocational training in electronic repair, and I have worked in electronic repair ever since. I was looking for a wife.
Joyce: After I left my boyfriend, I went back to my mother and father’s house. They accepted me and I finished secondary school at age 18 in 1999. I left my rural home to stay with my elder sister, and there I met Boaz.
Boaz: My parents were Protestant Christians. I really liked the singing in church and continued to go. It was a Baptist Church, but I had no real faith. We started dating and after just a few months we lived together as husband and wife, but we did not have a formal marriage.
Joyce: I got pregnant after being with Boaz for nine months and was very happy about it.
Boaz: I too was very happy about it. And when the baby was born in 2002 I felt so blest by God because I know that it is God who gives children to their parents.
Joyce: By 2005 there was much awareness in the community about AIDS. My Uncle died of AIDS when he was very young and I also had a friend who got sick from AIDS and was sent by her husband back to her parents’ home to die.
Boaz: My father advised me that if I wanted to marry we should be tested. We knew that we should be tested but we put it off.
Joyce: We did not get tested until 2007 when our daughter was five years old. We were in a counseling room and my husband was to read my results and I was to read his. He was negative.
Boaz: I told my wife that she was positive.
Joyce: My heart stopped beating. Moving out of the counseling room, I thought the best thing to do was to separate, but he insisted that we stay together.
Boaz: I loved her and would not leave her even thought she was HIV positive.
Joyce: I was not convinced that he would stay. I was worried about him all the time. By then we had another child. He proved to me that he loved me by staying with me even though I was HIV positive and he was not.
Boaz: I tried to convince her that we must have our children tested.
Joyce: It scared me to death to think about my children being HIV positive. We took the two of them to be tested and our daughter was HIV positive, but our son was not. I felt like I was dead. I could not bear it. I started becoming sick, but not because of HIV, but because of stress. I was imagining what my daughter would have to go through in life and I could not accept it.
Boaz: I also was very worried. The daughter is so young, and we wanted her to reach to being an adult. We thought that we had cut her life short and I was very sad.
Joyce: My husband is more courageous than me. We had to take our daughter to the hospital and learned that she had tuberculosis. It was so scary. The doctors gave her an aggressive treatment plan and she began to get better. She is HIV positive but does not have AIDS, and that is true for me too.
Boaz: We began to get more involved with our church. We talked to one another about the message from the service.
Joyce: We became very active in the Church and we became peaceful with living with HIV. We believe that we can make a better life for our children and that life is still possible. We are going to live until we become old. I have to take care of myself and take my HIV drugs, just like my daughter.
Boaz: Our church and God has brought us together in a great love that HIV cannot separate.
Joyce: Our daughter was going through a program sponsored by the Catholic diocese to help her cope with HIV. We were asked to get trained as Faithful House facilitators to implement this program for the church.
HIV has many challenges because it makes someone have a total behavior change. The life with HIV is quite expensive for drugs and a balanced diet. It requires proper hygiene and needs proper attention in terms of medication when you are sick. The doctor must know about it so that I can get the right drugs. One does not die of HIV but dies because of opportunistic infections.
Boaz: Those who are infected should encourage members of the community to go for the test. It is important to know their status. If we had not learned of our status we would all be dead by now.
Joyce: There is life after HIV. We are very happy.
